Kaya and Buddy

We are asked many times throughout our days, "How are you doing? Still holding up? How are the girls?". Our reply still remains the same "As good as can be expected for the situation. I don't know how people can do this without Christ to walk with. We have an overwhelming peace." I can honestly say this is the truth. This isn't something we say just to 'get through' the conversation. There are two choices that can be made....crawl into a black hole and die in your own pity, or count your blessings God has given you and give him the Glory. The blessing may sometimes be small or even not what you expected, but they are blessings none the less for God is Good. We as Christan's need to be always looking for the blessings in our lives (even if we think we don't have any) and when we find them (I know they are there) we need to bring Praise to God in all situations.



To answer the question of the how the girls are doing, very well. As Jerri shared earlier, their faith and understanding are amazing. Kylei is a very good big sister and since the passing of Baby Brother, she has latched onto her baby doll, Kaya. She cares for her like a big sister cares for her baby sister ....changing her diaper, feeding her, and tucking her in bed at night.





Kadenn is a great big sister also and she has her puppy, Buddy. You might recognize him from earlier when the girls visited us in the hospital. Buddy was Baby Todd's stuffed animal that Kadenn bandaged up with the medical supplies they were given by the patient care provider. We gave him back to her when we explained to her about Baby Brother going to heaven. He goes everywhere with her and he still has most of his bandages. When she missed her brother, she gives Buddy big hugs and says she loves him. We love to watch our girls with their ways caring out the big sister role.

"Dear Lord, protect my childern and give them ever lasting faith throughout their journey of life, Amen"

Puzzle of Reminders

I just wanted to let let everyone know how blessed I really am. When I met Jerri, ten plus years ago, I knew she was a very special women (after all she stayed with me), But its not till you go through an experience like this that you realize who she really is. I tell you the truth, I have the most amazing wife one could ever have. She was unbelievably strong for her family (the girls and I), during the past week and a half, even though she was hurting so bad, her arms ached with emptiness. Even as I write this, she is writing thank you cards to everyone that helped and supported us in and through this time. She is reading through notes of the past couple of weeks to remember everyone who supported us, which brings back the ache of emptiness. She doesn't know that I am posting this (she probably wouldn't let me ), but I thought every one should know. I love you Babe!

Now that I turned in my man card, I want to share this puzzle with you.

This is a 500 piece jigsaw puzzle we got Kylei for Christmas. We were to put it together as a family, frame it, and hang it above Baby Brothers crib. Well, we did put it together as a family and its 12"x36" and looks great. However, it was a reminder of the crib we don't have to hang it above, so I thought what better place to hang it than on this blog for everyone to enjoy. There is not a moment that goes by during the day that we are not reminded of Baby Brother. Even when I think of how close Jerri and I have become, I think of him and thank God for him. If it wasn't for Baby Todd we never would have spent so much time together or even tried to. I praise God of he is Good!

I would like if whoever reads this to comment to Jerri. I know she would like it. Thanks!

Child-like faith

Dustin & I wanted to share a few pictures with our readers. The pictures in the slide show were set as the screen-saver on our laptop while we were at DuPont. There were many times we would catch ourselves just sitting and watching the computer flip through the pictures. We were unable to have the girls with us at the Hospital, but these pictures were our constant reminder of home.

Yesterday, we celebrated Kadenn's 6th birthday. It's hard to believe that she is already 6. She has such a young, fun-loving and energetic personality. Yet, through out the last 4 weeks, she has taught Dustin & I so much.
One of my favorite things is watching children put their faith into action. The faith of child is so simple and sincere. Over the last several weeks, and this last week especially, we have been blessed with countless 'special moments' with the girls. We have had conversations that will never be forgotten, and seen them handle themselves in ways that are truly encouraging. Their faith is amazing!

I've shared the following moment with several people, but I wanted to share it again. It has been such an encouragement to us. I was talking with Kadenn about Baby Todd being at home in Heaven. Kadenn was very sad that she didn't get to meet her Baby Brother. I had nothing left to say, but I'm sorry. At that point, I felt as if I had disappointed the girls or even failed them because I was unable to bring Baby Todd home. During the conversation I said "I'm sorry", over and over again. I couldn't do anything but apologize to her. Finally, she looked up at me and said, "Mommy, you don't have to be sorry. It wasn't your fault. You did the best you could. Baby Todd was very sick, and you didn't know. He's in heaven because Jesus is the only one that knows how to take care of him".

As for our 'daily routine', we're getting there...one day at a time!

A Routine

It has been 6 days now since this whirlwind has begun. Monday we try to start our daily routines again; get the girls on the bus, plan the work schedule for the day, etc. The reality of this day coming, breaks our hearts again, because there are a couple of routines going to be missing; waking up to a dirty diaper, putting a car seat in the truck to get groceries, etc. We cling to the words the girls wrote to baby brother "I love You. You are special." Its is the simple ways of a child that keep us grounded. In the midst of the pain, we rejoice in the testimonies of how Baby Todd touched so many people. The relationships brought back together, the closure to pain of many years, the assurance of not being alone, the list goes on. We want to thank everyone for all the support and prayers. The next days/weeks/months are going to be hard yet rewarding just like the last month. Jerri and I continue to pray for strength and give God praise for He is Good.

Daddy's Heart

Baby Brother, from the day we found out about his condition strengthened my faith and my family. His life brought me to a point, over and over again, of completely relying on God. In return God was faithful over and over again. Through it all Todd had strength that could not be described. As the Doctors once told us “He is made of something special”. I feel very blessed to be the earthly father of this little boy. As I would begin to weaken, Todd would squeeze my finger and look at me with strength that only could have come from God. Baby Todd left a legacy here on earth in three weeks, greater than I will ever imagine. I use the strength that God has given me through Baby Brother to give God the glory, praise, and honor. There will always be a spot in my heart for Baby Brother, and I know there is a spot for Jerri and I in the arms of Jesus. I thank God for answering all our prayers of complete healing. God was faithful again. We have a peace in our hearts that leave us rejoicing and following in the footsteps of Jesus.

Mommy's Memories

July 22 we were given the news of Baby Todd’s heart condition. He was later diagnosed with Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome. The doctor explained to us that the left side of his heart was not adequately developed and with out surgery he would not survive. We were also told that with this condition Baby Todd would most likely never play soccer or be able to do work on the farm. As disappointing as it was to hear this news, I knew that this was God’s way of telling us he had bigger plans in store for us and Baby Todd.
I was blessed with many memories in my short three weeks with Baby Todd. Memories that I will forever cherish and hold close to my heart. Carrying him to the Operating Room for his very first surgery, being excited for his first “wet diaper”, tickling his feet, holding his hand and looking into his big blue eyes and encouraging him to “hang on…it wouldn’t be much longer”.
Over the last several months, and the last three weeks especially, we continually prayed that God would give us a miracle. God was truly faithful and answered our prayers, and gave us our miracle. Through the overwhelming and ever changing emotions we have experienced, we still consider ourselves blessed to have been chosen to be Baby Todd’s earthly parents.