Azaleas

Kylei & I picked this flower to give to Baby Todd for an easter gift. When we bought it, the Azalea had a few branches that stood taller than the others. We clipped those and tied them in a bouquet and put them on Baby Todd's grave Easter Sunday.

Today, as a family, we planted Baby Todd's azalea bush.

Easter

Signs of spring are finally visible around us. One look outside and you see new life blooming everywhere. For those of us far enough north, Easter means winter is finally over, the ground begins to thaw and settle to prepare for new growth. And don't forget the most important one, the resurrection. Where God gave of His ONLY son...for us. I was reminded of all these things even more vividly today, as we went to see Baby Brother's grave. His grave is not finished, the ground has settled and the stone hasn't been placed yet. The flowers from his service were still where we left them, untouched. But all around that, we saw brand new grass starting to grow.

My heart ached, no wait...it hurt...bad, to read 'Todd H. Martin' on the grave marker today. The selfishness in me almost began to ask God "Why?, Why me?, Why did you have to take my son?"

Then it hit me, God knew exactly how I felt, because He gave His ONLY son too...for me!

A Dream?

The trees are budding, the grass is greening, and the robins are singing. There is a refreshing, earthy smell in the air that only comes around one time of year. Its hard to believe spring is already here and upon us. It seems like just yesterday we were living in the hospital, while Baby Brother was fighting the odds.

Or was it a dream? Sometimes it feels like life has moved on so fast the last couple of months that the whole experience was a dream. Then we are reminded of the reality and the many blessings when we look at the pictures and read the many comments on the blog. It is a time I will never regret or forget. With that said the legacy of Baby Todd continues.

Jerri and I will like to update everyone with what we feel we want/need to do in memory of Baby Brother. We are going to need your continued support and prayers through the many challenges ahead.

The first thing, Jerri and I will be walking in the March of Dimes on May 3rd. We know there are many babies that can benefit from raising awareness and money for this organization (for more info click on the link on the right).

The second thing, we are planing to help at the Ronald McDonald House in Wilmington, De. this coming year (maybe December). We would like to take presents for the families staying there and cook some meals for them. Its the least we can do for all the help we were given and may become a yearly tradition.

The third thing is still in the dream stage. We would like to start a foundation to support the doctors and hospitals that work with heart conditions like Baby Todd's. The doctors have learned so much from the information they got from Todd, maybe we can help with the research to save the next life. How? When? Where? These are the questions we have. The only answer we have is, we want to do everything in Jesus' name. We know without him we have no life!

The girls are doing great and we want to thank everyone for supporting and praying for us the last couple of months. Your prayers are felt more than you could ever know and I give God the credit for the everlasting joy and peace. I ask everyone to continue praying for us and writing words of encouragement. Now more than ever we need your support.

Carry you through

I realize it has been quite a while since we really blogged. Thank you for your patience and continued prayer and encouragement as we find our direction...again. For several months, we made our lives so very public and open. I felt as if I really just needed some time to "deal" in private. I never really intended to stop blogging, or taking such a long break. Every time I thought of closing the blog, I felt as if God was telling me something different. So, the story continues...

God has blessed my family so much, and in ways I've never imagined. I have learned so many lessons over the past few months; about myself, Dustin and life in general. One of which is to find the blessings even in our trials. Dustin always tells me that God never promises to remove us from trying times, but He does promise to carry us through them.

James 1:2-3

Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials,
knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance.

As the numbness slowly fades away, I am starting to realize what our "new normal" will feel like. It has become a bit slower, less comfortable, and even a bit vulnerable at times. But, as I adjust to that "new normal", I see that is where God wants us anyway. He wants us just outside our comfort zone, at a point where we are in complete brokenness and humility. Where we have no choice but to cry out for Him. So He can pick us up, dust us off and put the pieces back together, and more or less mold us into the person He wanted us to be from the beginning.

We all have that place, where we no longer have the strength to continue, where we have become so weak that the only thing moving us forward is the strength we gain from knowing Christ.

Blessings & endurance,

Jerri

March of Dimes Walk

I added a new link to the blog. Currently the picture isn't there, but the link still works.

I will be participating in the March of Dimes walk May 3, in Chambersburg. I am walking in memory of Baby Todd. My goal is to raise $200 for the March of Dimes.

If you would like to check out my personal March of Dimes page, or make a donation please click on the link on the side of the blog page.

Thanks for your support & prayer as we walk!

Jerri

Snow Tubing

Tuesday, Dustin and I had the opportunity to take the girls snow tubing with a family from our church. To say they had a blast is an understatement; Kadenn took to the snow as if it was her natural environment, and Kylei loved the thrill of speeding down the hills. I, on the other hand, feel like I broke my back (I guess that shows my age!).

As we drove to Whitetail, I looked into the backseat at the girls. They were all smiles and giggling with excitement. I also envisioned Baby Todd, sitting in his carseat, with no idea of what was to come. This would be his first visit, of many, to Whitetail.
There have been other "firsts" that we have already experienced with out Baby Todd. Like our first sunday back to church, and our first dinner with Pap & Nan at their new house.

Today there are bitter sweet emotions, we are starting to get into the swing of things, which is a good thing. On the other hand, we still have the feeling of forgetting something. I know we will never forget Baby Brother, but moving on without him, kind of leaves us with that feeling. Thank you for your continued prayers and support.

"WITH"

Wednesday night at bible study we had "prayer night". This is when our bible study group gets together (every other Wed.) and have a couple praise songs, a devotion time, take prayer request, and spend the night in prayer. The devotion was given by "Doc's wife" and I thought was very good , so I asked to share it on the blog. I think this hits home for everyone (where ever you may be in life) and gets us thinking. Please feel free to comment on how this one little word "hits" you. I think it will be very encouraging as we walk through life "with" each other.

WITH. W-I-T-H. With is one of those words that in itself seems to have very little meaning. By grammatical definitions it is a preposition, or as Webster would describe it, “a word that combines with a noun or pronoun to form a phrase.” In fact, when looking up the word “with” in the dictionary one comes across a whole slew of definitions that are all dependent on the words that come before and after it within the phrase that it is used. And yet, somehow, that one, small, insignificant word embodies a whole lot of spirit.

With. “Daddy, come with me,” were the words of a young girl who had forgotten to do her chores and was terrified to go outside alone after dark. “With” meant heaving protection and comfort.

With. It’s what girlfriends do. It is those trips to the bathroom together for a quick therapy or giggle fix – whichever the situation at hand might require. It is the spontaneous adventure taken together. It is the “partner in crime,” the one who will get into trouble with you and will still be there to laugh at it in the years to come. It is knowing exactly what type of ice cream flavor to get for you on a bad day. It is those tears cried for you when seeing your heart break. It is long talks and plenty of lattes. It is shopping trips and projects. It is noticing that new haircut or outfit. It is knowing just what to say to boost the other’s confidence when they are feeling low.

With. It’s what I’ve watched the guys do. It is the wrestling matches in the middle of – well – anywhere. It is the quirky handshakes and the awkward hugs. It is those times of getting together to shoot a few hoops or one another with paintballs. It is the competitive sparing, the robust laugh and the good natured ribbing. It is getting up early to go hang out in the woods and then staying up late to tell the stories. It is the “knowing” nod or handshake when life gets tough and the quick strong thump on the back to let the other know that they care.

With. It is what your spouse does. It is sticking by you throughout all the ups and downs of life. It is knowing how bad you look when you first wake up and kissing you good morning despite the morning breath. It is holding your hand when you need extra strength and giving you their shoulder to cry on. It is knowing your weakness and your faults but still loving you despite it all. It is the long talks, the relaxed evenings, the weekend adventures. It is those quiet and intimate moments you share. It is working along side each other and watching as your work develops into your hopes and dreams. It is companionship.

With. It is what your child needs. It is those moments of getting up in the middle of the night just so they know that you are still there and everything is okay. It is playing silly games, reading little books, and horse playing on the family room floor. It is countless hours of holding, innumerable boo-boo’s to be kissed, and ceaseless giggles to be shared. It is comfort and reassurance. It is boundaries. It is believing in them. It is helping them grow and embrace all that God has created them to be.

The significance of this word takes on a whole new meaning as I ponder the name God chose to describe Himself – Immanuel, which means, “God WITH us.” Tucked in between all powerful “God” and lowly “us” is this word that seemed before to simply speak to the location of God. Now by all standards God’s being in the same location with us is nothing short of amazing! But what is more amazing to me is understanding the fuller meaning of this name when we look at “with” as more than just another preposition.

Immanuel – God is with me. He is “Abba, Daddy,” my protector and my comforter when I have to walk through those dark moments of life – even when it is my own negligence that gets me there.

Immanuel – God is with me. He is a friend who sticks by me. He’s there to share long talks or just go for a walk. He knows just what to say through His word and nature to encourage me. He knows just what blessings to give me when I’m having a hard day. He listens. He laughs with me and cries with me. He is along for the adventure.

Immanuel – God is with me. He is my companion. He loves me through thick and thin and in spite of it all. He KNOWS – really knows all of my quirks and faults, my failings, bad attitudes, and poor decisions. He is there working along side me helping me to accomplish the hopes and dreams He instilled in my heart. He is there when the hurt is too deep to express. He is there to share the joy that sometimes can hardly be contained. He is there in those quiet moments and shares His heart.

Immanuel – God is with me. Like a parent, He is there in the middle of the night when I need reassurance that He simply IS. When I need someone to teach me the boundaries and guide me in the way that is right. He is there to surprise me with good and fun things. He is there to help me grow and become the child He created me to be.

Immanuel, God is with us. It is more than a Christmas carol or something that happened several thousand years ago. It is a way of life and it is 24/7, the whole year through. One more thought though… God is WITH us, but are we WITH God? Have we made God our lifestyle the way He has made us His? Do we take Him with us through every moment of our day or do we limit Him to our devotional time – provided we have time for one? Does God with us and we with God impact the way that we relate to our spouse when they haven’t measured up to our standards, our children when they aren’t obeying, our friends when they aren’t there for us the way we want them to be, our co-workers when they get really annoying, and those random people whose mission every morning is to make us late for work? It is a challenge to me, and I hope to you too to make a conscious choice to live each day and each moment intentionally WITH God.

Here are several verses that I have come across recently that reflect the concept of God with us and we with God – all day long!

Joshua 1:8 “Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful.”

Psalm 119:164 “Seven times a day I praise you for your righteous laws.”

D. Amstutz